Tuesday, August 30, 2016
I was at the verge of walking seemingly voluntary into that dark, deep and solitary hole that I seem to rush into as the venom seeps through my thoughts, my heart and into my hands. There was no stopping the force and power of the poison that lurks within my thoughts as my mind and heart start to wonder. My heart and my flesh may fail but you O Lord are my portion forever! My heart and my flesh do fail. They have failed me many times as I recoil in thoughts after opening my eyes to the aftermath of my own destruction. My mind races and seeks a way out of the price to be paid for my doings. I can't find a way out, I search for some way- somehow that I can run from this. Where can I go? There isn't a place I can hide that will not be seen. He sees me in public and sees me in private. Where can I hide? My mind starts to race again. My actions seem irreparable and destructive. My soul bleeds and weeps for my own good. My souls cries out to You O Lord because on my own I cannot seem to understand that my actions prove nothing but death. Death to my soul! My rescue comes from you God and in this moment I desperately search for you. Where are you! Loneliness surrounds me and as I scan the horizon and my proximity for you I do not see You. Where are you? You are in me as I am in you O Lord. Your word teaches me this and this I know. Do I continue to defile you and be content? My body is your temple in which you dwell in. May you be pleased to do as you wish because I do not seem to understand that my life, my body, is but a fragile being- a simple breath that is here one moment and forever gone the next. You are the Author of Life! My life. You provide my rescue when I need it. You are my rescue. I cannot ignore You when you speak to me. Do I push aside your word and your truth for a moment in life only to pay the price forever? Your light is in me. I am the light of the world which you put in me to take into the darkness and shine the light. I search for a way to shine this light and so I look for darkness. As I look for it I see my own reflection and there in my solace I find a patch of darkness within myself. Let your light shine!! Let my light shine! God, my life is nothing without you! You are the light unto my path. Yet I know very well that sin will continue to dwell in me. It is not of my own doing or choosing, but rather from a curse into which I was born. We fight against this darkness but we do not fight alone. It is not at all triumphant, though, as we cling close to you God. Lord you are my rescue! You have taken me from my own destruction! As I was walking into the pit of death, of darkness, You, God, Father, rescued me. Your light shines brighter than the sun. Today you have given me your grace and mercy without limits. Your love for me goes deeper than my thoughts can comprehend. For that I am grateful.